Should Our Children Have to Struggle in Life?

“Coming to America” is one of my personal favorite movies. Mainly because of Eddie Murphy’s character, Prince Akeem. In the movie, it is time for him to choose a bride. He tells Arsenio Hall, who plays Semmi, his personal servant/trainer that he wants “a woman who not only stimulates his loins, but also his mind.”

I got to thinking about another scene in that movie recently. John Amos as Cleo McDowell tells his daughter Lisa, played by Shari Headly that she should seriously consider marrying Darryl, played by Eriq LaSalle because he's rich. His parents have made a fortune with some greasy hair product. Lisa would never have to work or struggle the way he and his wife did. He wanted her to have it easier. At first glance, this is a sweet thought. Upon further reflection, I start wondering if that’s really so sweet.

When you really think about it, the struggles we go through in life are a huge part of who we are today. They teach us persistence and endurance.  They also show us how much we care about whatever it is we’re trying to accomplish. Sometimes they help us find something we’re passionate about. Struggling also helps us discover strength and endurance that can be used all our lives.

Knowing this makes me wonder why we think it’s so great to make things easier for our children. When we make things easier for our children, even with the best of intentions, we’re telling them they don’t need to struggle. We’re teaching them to look for an easy way to do things.  In the long run, when we don’t allow our children to struggle with things, then we’re not teaching them persistence and endurance. So much in life depends on being able to persist and endure when things don’t go the way we expect.

Also, this could and should teach them to ask for help when they truly need it. In so many ways, we’re the primary teachers of life lessons to our children. So, when we try to make things easier for our children because we don’t think they should have to struggle the way we did, what are we really teaching them?