#Me Too Backlash

I started to write this before the holidays, but it was difficult. Then I realized that with the holidays coming up, I didn’t want to tackle such a tough subject. So, I’m doing it now.

As the #Me Too movement has gained traction and brought out the fact that for decades women have had to deal with inappropriate sexual behavior from men to get or keep jobs, I’m also seeing a backlash against these women.

Matt Damon is saying that things are being conflated – fused together. (https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/alyssa-milano-matt-damon-abc-interview_us_5a348697e4b01d429cc8fc19) Speaking as someone who’s experienced everything from a man saying inappropriate things to a man putting his hands where they didn’t belong to full on rape, it all hurts. It doesn’t matter “how small or large” the infraction is, it hurts.

Not only that, but as Alyssa Milano points out in the above article, it’s the micro that make the macro. The little things add up to big things.

She also points out that victims are tired of being ignored. Tired of being gas lighted. Tired of being treated as if sexual harassment or abuse is normal. She’s right: we are.We're tired of men treating us like objects to be used for what they want rather than people to be respected.

There’s a woman on Facebook who calls herself “The Activist Mommy.” She has put out a video shaming all the women who are now speaking up, in some cases as much as 40 years later. She’s not the only one shaming women who speak up years later. If you click on any of the articles about women crying sexual harassment years after the fact and read the comments, the majority of them are saying things like, “Their careers are on the decline, so they’re seeking attention.”

Here’s the thing though, even if their careers are declining, they’re probably speaking up now because they’re no longer powerless. They’ve established themselves as actresses and no longer need to fear for their careers so much; especially if they’re careers are in decline. At this point, they don’t have a lot to lose the way they would have when they were just starting out.

A lot of commenters also wonder why the harassment/abuse wasn’t reported when it happened. Even if it had been, most victims will tell you that when they do report it, they’re often not believed.  Even in cases where there is proof of what happened, they probably wouldn’t have been believed or they would have been ignored or treated as if they were radioactive. The people who produce movies have power over an actor/actresses career, which means they can do virtually anything they want and get away with it.

The only way the abuse might not have happened is if every woman who ever went to Hollywood seeking an acting career said, “No” to the abuser. If that had happened, then the abuse might not have happened. Truthfully, though, that’s no guarantee. I’m sure there are men who would have just raped the women, then told them they could work in Hollywood. The really sad part is that this has been going on for decades. The abuse that these women are reporting is nothing new in Hollywood.

Given that the abuse is nothing new in Hollywood, I know there are those of you that are thinking something along the lines of, “then these should have known this would happen and shouldn’t have become actress’.”

So, ask yourself this. How many times have you said to yourself, “I would never do . . .” Then later you find yourself doing whatever it was for whatever reason.

I once watched a documentary about Judy Garland. She worked with a director who would poke her in the left breast when he was particularly pleased with her performance in a film as he said, “That came from the heart.”

Or words to the effect. One day she told him that he didn’t need to poke her like that, he could just point. Apparently he stopped after that, but at that point she was an established actress. If she'd been new, he'd have probably fired her on the spot.

The Lord of the Rings director admitted that he’d been told by Weinstein to not cast a couple of women he was seriously considering as they were “difficult to work with.” The real reason was probably that they would not submit to Weinstein’s abuse. (http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2017/12/15/harvey-weinstein-smear-campaign-kept-ashley-judd-mira-sorvino-from-lord-rings-director-claims.html)

I believe it was the “Activist Mommy” who called out Salma Hayek for doing a lesbian love scene for one of Weinstein’s movies. Apparently, he stalked her and threatened her life if she didn’t do it. (http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-42344533)

The thing that bothers me most about people who act like these actresses are to blame in some way for the abuse they endured is that they’re not in those actress’s shoes. They didn’t have to endure what these ladies did to get where they are. The hard reality is that in Hollywood, the people who make the movies, TV shows, etc. have control over careers. Some of them choose to abuse that control.

So, it seems to me that these women were “damned if they did and damned if they didn’t.”