I Was An Emotional Prostitute Part 1

I AM...

I am my life experience

I am a child

conceived to meet my mother’s need for unconditional love

I am a baby girl, loved by her father

I am a toddler, abandoned by her father

I am a young girl

sexually and physically abused by her mother’s second husband

Then raped by a young man she had a crush on

I am that same young girl

with emotions and sensitivities I don’t understand

and am not allowed to express

I am

a young woman growing into womanhood   

                                               without the guidance of a loving father

and with a mother who would control me

I am a young woman

who wants to try her wings

only to have them continually clipped

I am a rebellious young woman

constantly fighting

fighting for the right to be me

fighting for the right to explore the world around me

and find my place in it

I am a woman unsure of herself

and her place in this world

I am a woman in pain

from wounds that cannot be seen

with the natural eye

I am a woman

only now

learning who I am

and what I really want in this life

I am a single mom

who must cope with the day to day rearing of my son

while I work to find myself and become emotionally whole

I am also a woman in love

with a man I cannot have and am no longer sure I want

What you have just read is the introduction to the story about my life. Over the next several weeks, I will be posting parts of my story. It may not be easy to read, but it wasn't easy for me to write. At times I felt like I was writing nothing more than a tell all. I finally realized that I had to. If I didn't people wouldn't understand why I needed the emotional healing that only God can do.

I'm not sure how long it will take to tell my story in this format, but I expect a year or more.

What I'll share is the truth of my life as I remember it, emotions and all.