I Was An Emotional Prostitute Part 5

Things seemed better in junior high. To some extent, I thought I was putting the social problems of the past behind me as I wasn’t being teased so much. We had a ten-minute break between second and third periods during which, the majority of the students could be found hanging out in the cafeteria for the extra few minutes.

I was standing in the cafeteria during one of these breaks, when I sensed an excitement in the air I couldn’t explain, but made me uncomfortable. I started to leave. A girl I thought of as a friend, told me to stay. I agreed, but still wasn’t completely comfortable and a minute or so later, tried to leave again. The same girl told me to stay. I did, partly because there was a crowd and I would have to elbow my way through. Shortly after that a roar went up. Then I saw someone coming towards me with a piece of paper in front of his face. I backed up as far as I could and still he came towards me. In the end, I was bent backwards over a table in an effort to get away, only to be “kissed” through the paper. The moment he backed off, I broke free then ran out of the cafeteria. That was the most humiliating moment of my life.

It turned out that the perpetrator was none other than the Associated Student Body president, Frank, one of the most popular guys in school. I later learned that he’d been bet somewhere in the vicinity of $100 that he wouldn’t kiss me. That may not seem like much money now, but back then it was a considerable sum; especially for someone in the ninth grade, as Frank was.

The school authorities made him give his winnings back and pay for a table, which his fellow students had broken in all the excitement, not to mention nearly losing his position as A.S. B. president.

Shortly after this, the school district took matters into their own hands and asked me if I’d like to transfer to a different school. I said, “Yes.”

I was transferred to a school where I knew no one. I was also put into a special education class, where one of the things they did was to help me learn to cope with the social situations that could come up in school. Here for the first time, I felt like I had a fighting chance to be accepted socially in school and that people were truly on my side.

It was at my new school that I met my first “serious” boyfriend. His name was Howie. I’d gone to a school dance one afternoon and when it was over, I hung around in the gym while waiting for my bus. I was watching the band pack up to go, when the lead singer looked at me, smiled, and said, “Hi!”

I said, “Hi.”

We struck up a conversation towards the end of which he gave me his phone number. I was in seventh heaven. An older man from the band had noticed me! I’d had crushes on other guys before, but at that time I thought Howie was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Our relationship started out normal enough. We’d get together and go to the mall or just hang out somewhere. I’m not sure when, but at some point we started having sex whenever we could find some privacy. I was reluctant at first, but soon wanted it too. He became the first in a long line of men that I would have sex with.

It would be easy to say that they all used me, but that’s only one side of things. While I have no doubt that some men only went out with me so that they could get in my pants, I was using sex as a way to feel loved. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was so emotionally hungry, starving in fact, that I would do almost anything to feel loved. At times I even convinced myself that I was love in with some of the men. There were very few men who didn’t want or expect sex from me.

One of these was a boy named Danny. I met Danny through his brother whom I met on the public bus. Danny was sweet, thoughtful, and probably one of the nicest guys I ever dated. When we first started going out, I thought I might be pregnant by another guy. Wanting to be honest, I told Danny. He immediately turned to his brother and asked him how much it cost to get married. Fortunately for both of us it was a false alarm. Unfortunately, by the time our relationship had ended, I had cheated on Danny with a cousin of his. In fact, I’d say that’s the reason our relationship ended.

I know now that the way I handled myself in my relationship with Danny had a lot to do with the way I’d been treated in the past. I wish I could tell Danny how sorry I am. That I truly regret my actions and how they affected him. I know now that we weren’t meant to be together, but I do wish I’d handled our relationship better.