I Was An Emotional Prostitute Part 34

After Tracy took Jacob home that evening, he came to me and wanted to make it up to me by taking me out the next night. I was so angry and hurt by his refusal to put me first earlier in the evening, I wasn’t sure I wanted to go out with him. I screamed at him to leave me alone.  That I would think about it, as I didn’t know right then if I wanted to go. Mother came in a few minutes later and told me it wasn’t fair to Andrew for me to leave him hanging like that. Then she demanded that I make up my mind and give him a decision. I didn’t care at that point what was fair to him; after all he hadn’t been fair to me by agreeing to care for Jacob without asking me first.

I only agreed to go to dinner with him the next night because I was pushed into a decision and did not want to miss a chance to eat out. I hate to say this, but I didn’t really enjoy anything about our date. I didn’t go out with him that evening because of a true free will desire to be with him.

Andrew and I have since talked things out. He understands that what he did that evening was wrong and hurt me abominably. Yet this incident continued to bother me, but I couldn’t figure out why until someone told me I needed to forgive Andrew for what happened. That’s when I realized it wasn’t his part in this, which still bothered me. It was mother’s. I resented her interference in what should have been strictly between Andrew and me.

Another time Andrew got upset over something someone said to him on the phone. He went outside and I started to follow him out, but mother motioned for me to stay inside. Then she went out and talked to him about what was bothering him. I got so angry; I took it out on him for not refusing to talk to her. I realize now I was angry with her for doing what I should have been doing. She pushed her way into the situation. To this day, pushes herself forward.

One day we went to Nordstrom’s with her mother, Grandma Mary to me, to go shopping for some new clothes. We all stopped to listen to the piano player on duty. I wanted to talk to him as I thought he was kind of cute, but I could barely get a word in. Mother did most of the talking and would not allow Grandmother or me to say much of anything. I was so frustrated. I finally realized that she’d done it again. Pushed herself in front of everyone and hogged the stage.

I was around 19 years old when I got my first job with which I might support myself: I worked afternoons. I remember being afraid to leave for work early just because I wanted to. I was afraid she would tell me I shouldn’t leave early unless I had a reason.

When I married my now ex-husband, mother had about six months’ notice for our planned date. She decided to make her own outfit. Two weeks before our wedding, she hadn’t even cut the fabric for her outfit, but she went on vacation to Montana for a week.

The day of our wedding, everyone was on time, except for mother. She was not only late for the photographer who was taking photos before the ceremony, she was 20 minutes late for the ceremony. Because she hadn’t finished her outfit in time.

When I confronted her about it later, she said, “Well, I knew a week was enough time to make it, but because I stayed late at your bridal shower. . .”

I started screaming at her. We were in a Sear’s parking lot and I just cut loose. I screamed that that was the only time I ever planned to get married and she should have been on time. That’s when I got a genuine apology.

Looking back at my wedding day, I see that mother being late wasn’t the only way she had a hand in my wedding. The unity candle wasn’t my idea; it was hers. I told her I didn’t care about having a unity candle. It simply wasn’t important to me. She pushed the idea until I gave in on the condition that she purchased the candle, regardless of cost. I searched for several weeks before I found one I liked and the price tag raised my eyebrows. It was $13, but mother paid it as promised. I realize now that I could have just blown off looking for a candle and told her I couldn’t find one.

She also tried to insist that I go to a particular bakery, which she liked. I didn’t want to go there. In the end, I simply didn’t. It bothered me that she was so insistent on having her way in regards to planning things for my wedding.

Later, at a child’s birthday party, I did try the cake from the bakery she insisted I go try. I wasn’t impressed. I’m glad I didn’t waste my time going there.

One weekend while living with mother as a rent paying adult, I left without telling her in person that I was going. I usually had Sunday and Monday off, but had made arrangements with my boss to change that for the one weekend, so I could go on a road trip. I left a note saying I would be back Sunday evening. When I came home, she read me the riot act because I had not told her in person that I had taken that Saturday off. She found out by calling my work and embarrassing herself by asking for me. I was so shocked I couldn’t say a word. I wrote her a letter telling her that I had every right to do as I chose. That she had no right to make me feel like a teenager who had snuck out in the middle of the night to do something wrong. Especially not when I supported myself without any help from her. She never apologized.