I Was An Emotional Prostitute Part 41

Intimacy

What does it mean?

When we think of Intimacy, what do we think of?

I would bet most of us think of physical intimacy

Sexual intimacy

Being physically and sexually intimate with someone

I don’t see that as true intimacy

To me, true intimacy is emotional as well as physical

Intimacy is as one person put it:

“Into me see”

Real intimacy is allowing someone to see into you

Into your soul

Into the very heart of who you are

Without allowing someone to get that close to you,

There is no intimacy

Without true emotional intimacy;

The physical expression is nothing

Physical and sexual intimacy are fleeting

Emotional intimacy can last a lifetime and beyond

Emotional intimacy creates a bond between people

Which is stronger than any physical bonding

There was a time in my life when I could not separate emotional and physical intimacy

To me they were one and the same

Now I know differently

Now I understand the difference

and I am glad I know

Emotional intimacy satisfies in ways physical intimacy cannot

Emotional intimacy can refresh and strengthen

Physical intimacy alone takes strength and gives only physical pleasure

Emotional intimacy can lighten sadness and increase joy

To achieve true intimacy, you must be willing to be emotionally intimate

willing to be vulnerable to another person

When David and I started getting together again, things were easier this time. He and Jan had separated several months prior, so she wasn’t around to barge in all the time. As for his boys, young David had gone in the army and Darren worked two jobs and had a girlfriend, so he wasn’t home much.

Shortly after this happened, David and I were at his house, talking about my living situation at mother’s house. Mother’s house was always cluttered. The only time the clutter ever really got cleared away was if we were having the family or guests over for something major, such as a holiday get together. Then the clutter got picked up and hidden. The floors were never really clean. It was Bill’s responsibility to clean them and even when he did, he did such a poor job you couldn’t really tell someone had cleaned them. 

The yard was little more than an overgrown jungle, which desperately needed to be cleaned up. He knew I hated living at mother’s house, but I felt trapped, as I didn’t have money to move elsewhere. He told me that his son, Darren was almost never home and even when he was, he didn’t sleep in his room, instead he slept in the living room. David said he’d rent it to me for less than what I was paying at mother’s house. I told him to give me time to think about it and I’d let him know within a week. At the time, he was half joking and I thought I would just call him in a few days and politely decline.

Instead, when I got home less than three hours later, I took a good look at where I was living and called David to accept his offer. He was surprised, but agreed to the date I set for moving in. I actually got Caleb and I packed up and moved in a week early. Moving in with David would not have been possible had his ex-wife, Jan been living here.  We both realized later that because the door was open for me to move in, God decided to use it for my benefit.

If anyone had told me before I decided to move into David’s house that I was going to do so, I would have said they were crazy. I never in my wildest dreams or imaginings thought I would be living in his house. However, the funny thing is that I had dreamt several months before, that David and I made love in his bed. What makes this so funny to me is that it wasn’t “just a dream.” At different times during my life, I’ve seen little glimpses of my future, though I didn’t know at first just what it was that I was seeing. The dream I had about David and I being so intimate had that kind of “feel” to it as if it was something, which would happen in my future. When I woke up and realized what I’d seen in my sleep, my initial reaction was, “Why HIM!? Why not Sean Connery or Michael T. Weiss? Or Dorn? Why on God’s green earth did I have that kind of dream about David?!” I never thought it would really happen. After all, just because I see “glimpses of my future” doesn’t mean I can’t change things.

Come to think of it, I did have a dream about being intimate with Dorn. In my dream Dorn was spending the night with me and as I went to put clean sheets on the spare bed for him, he told me he wanted to sleep with me. In my dream, I said, “okay, you stay on your side and I’ll stay on mine.”

He said, “No, I want to sleep with you.”

I ran. I started running and didn’t stop until I was far away from the house.

When I woke up I wondered why in my dream I ran away from something I wanted so badly. I told David about my dream later and he said it showed that I had a fear of intimacy. He was right; the thought of intimacy scared me silly at that time in my life.