When I first told my brother, Mike I
was planning to move in with David, he said he wanted to talk to me. We
arranged a time when we could sit down and talk without his wife, Danice or any
of our children around. He told me he didn’t agree with what I was doing as he
didn’t trust David and neither did Danice.
I told him my reasons for my
decision. I told him about praying for help and how God answered that prayer
and my initial reaction to the answer. In the end, he still didn’t agree with
my decision and I hadn’t changed my mind, but that wasn’t the purpose of our
talk. He simply wanted to know where I stood and I needed to let him tell me
how he felt. In the end he told me that he would pray for me every day that I
live here. I couldn’t have asked for better support.
Mother was very supportive of the
idea at first, and even a little excited about it. She was full of ideas about
what to do with the rooms Caleb and I had occupied. Mother was going to give
Caleb’s room to Bill for his hobbies and take over my room as her sewing room.
As the time drew closer for Caleb and I to move, she suddenly started coming to
me with doubts about my moving. She told me that Darren, one of David’s twin
boys, had once been accused of molesting someone’s child. For that reason she
didn’t think I should move into David’s house. I told her in no uncertain terms
that Darren wasn’t likely to be home when Caleb and I were. Even if he was, he
certainly wasn’t going to be alone with Caleb. I didn’t trust him that far.
I also heard that she questioned why I didn’t
apply for Section 8 housing. Well, it’s not that easy to get and there is a
waiting list, which can take two to three years to get to the top of. A friend
of mine who has section 8 housing told me that getting approved and finding
section 8 housing are two different things. It can be tough to find a place,
which accepts section 8. Also, part of me didn’t want to be responsible for the
maintenance of an entire apartment or house on a daily basis. I know there are
people in my shoes who do it, but as long as I have a choice, I much prefer
having a roommate like David.
Moving in with David meant making
some major adjustments for all of us. I made it a point to spend weekends here
before we moved in, in hopes of making the adjustment easier on Caleb. I’m not
sure if it made it easier for Caleb, but I know it was easier for me. I think
one of the hardest things about the move for Caleb was that his mommy started
changing before his very eyes, almost immediately. He started saying, “Mommy?
Are you my mom?”
The first time it happened, it about
broke my heart. Every time he asked me, I tried to gently reassure him that no
matter what happens; I will always be his mom. And that I will always love him.
Eventually the question stopped.
Another thing that happened with
Caleb is that shortly after we moved in; he started being afraid of monsters at
night. I always thought when that happened, I would make “monster repellant”
with some perfume I had for that purpose. Instead, I taught him to pray about
it and soon nearly every night, he would pray about being scared and then he’d
generally be fine. There were still times when he didn’t go to sleep right
away, but it was usually because he wanted a glass of water or he needed to go
potty, not because of monsters.
David told me that when I was moving
in, God spoke to him and told him to treat me as he would a wife, short of
having sexual intercourse. David asked God what he meant by that and God told
him again to treat me as he would a wife. David finally realized that he was
supposed to allow me full freedom to do as I wished in the house. From what I
cook for meals to how the house is decorated. David also gave me full authority
in the house, second only to his.
By the time I had finished moving
into David’s house, I was so desperate to open up, I was willing to do
something I hate, and only because I thought it might help. Get drunk. I’ve
been drunk once in my life and I hated it. I hated being out of control and not
remembering even half of what I did. Thankfully, I didn’t have to get drunk to
open up. What started me opening up was very simple. David and I were sitting
on the couch one night and he leaned over and kissed me. This time instead of
being passive about it, I kissed him back and from that moment on, I had no
real trouble opening up to him.
I don’t know why kissing him back
made it easier to open up to him, but it did. Maybe I suddenly felt safe with
him. I really don’t know. I just know that after that kiss, I had no trouble
opening up to him in ways I couldn’t with anyone else.
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