New Year’s Resolutions

 It’s that time of year again – the time when we all make some sort of “New Year’s Resolution.” A friend of mine recently posted on Facebook that when we make “New Year’s Resolutions,” we shouldn’t wait till New Year’s to act on them. He makes a good point. Why wait? I mean, most of us think about it ahead of time, so why wait to act on them? I think if we acted on them in little ways, then when it comes time to make the resolution or publicly declare it, we’d not only be ahead of the game on New Year’s Eve, we’d have a better chance of following through during the year.

I know that I’ve made a couple of resolutions that I’ve been acting on. One is to become primarily vegan. I know that conjures up pictures of granola eating, save the planet types. It’s something I’ve thought about off and on for years. In part because of what’s written in the Bible about diet. Man didn’t eat meat till after Noah came off the ark. I just couldn’t imagine giving up meat, eggs, and dairy. Now I can – most of the time. I admit I love beef. In particular, pot roast and steak. I don’t care about chicken that much, so that’s no big deal. The thing that really made me decide to go more vegan was the documentary, “Forks Over Knives.”

In it, two doctors specializing in two different health problems, living in two different areas of the country started looking at diet as a way to help their patients. What they discovered was that countries where meat is five percent or less of the overall diet, people were healthier. They had less incidence of cancer and heart disease. In fact, Switzerland had really high incidents of cancer and heart disease till Hitler invaded and took all their meat for his troops. Without meat in their diets, cancer and heart disease incidents became radically lower. Once he left, the incidents of cancer and heart disease went back up. Hearing that was enough to make me and my roommate decide to cut down the meat in our diet. The only “disagreement” we’re having is whether to use beans or tofu in place of meat. I like beans, but I know eventually we’ll tire of them, so we’ll see what happens. In the meantime we’re cutting our meat in half for some recipes and using beans in others.

Here’s a link to “Forks Over Knives: The Extended Interviews”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OY_J6QDWRrs

Since we started going more vegan, I find that I like meat less, at least ground meat, such as hamburger, anyway. I’ve also learned that silken tofu makes a good smoothie. It also helps that when I’m fixing meals for just me, I eat primarily vegan.

I’ve noticed that on days when I eat vegan or primarily vegan/vegetarian, my weight trends downward. If I eat meat, it trends upward. This is good news for me as I struggle with my weight, which I know contributes to the health issues in my family. Both sides have/had diabetes and heart issues. My mother’s had cancer, though she’s in remission now. Thankfully, mother’s side has longevity, but if I’m going to live as long as some of my maternal relatives, I’d like to be as healthy as possible.

Another resolution I have for this year (actually, I’ve had this one for a while, just haven’t had the courage to test it) is to get on an elliptical exercise machine and workout for at least five minutes without getting my butt kicked. I got on one a few years ago while in Idaho for my maternal grandmother’s 90^th birthday (this is what I mean about longevity – she’s still alive and kicking). It kicked my butt in less than three minutes. Since then I’ve been trying to get regular exercise, but I don’t always due to things like colds. I’m getting better about being more consistent and intentional about working out, so I think sometime this year I’ll hit that goal.

Another resolution I have for this year is to get back to my Latin studies and practicing piano. I set them aside when I got really frustrated with the mess in my office. Not to mention some of the mess ended up on my keyboard and bench. Now that I’ve got all the cleared away and figured out how to use my time wisely, I can start doing both again.

My final resolution for this year is to finish the novel I started during “National November Write a Novel Month.” It also means sitting down to write daily, except for the days when we go grocery shopping. By the time we get done with that, I just have time to do dishes and call it a day.  I was unable to finish in November because I had to stop to make an outline. Not only that, but I had to make a list of character’s and who they are in my story. If all goes well, I’ll finish it by the end of March. I’ve learned that while some authors, such as Stephen King and Debbie Macomber, can go to their offices and write till they’ve hit a certain word count, I can’t. I usually have about three to four hours a day before I have to go make dinner. If I use a crockpot to cook, I get an extra hour. That makes it difficult to hit a high word count.

So, those are my resolutions. I’ve started working on them already. How about you? What are your resolutions? Feel free to share in the comments.

Why I Don't Go to Church

I ran this blog early on, but am re-running it for a friend of mine. We were hanging out this past summer and I was telling her why I don't go to church. She told me that I should write a blog about it. I told her that I already had. So, Erica, this is for you.

Going to Church

I used to attend church on a regular basis. When I was younger, I went to the same church for over 10 years. Then it imploded in a spectacular way. The church actually made the news. I suspect partly because it was so large, with over 2,000 people in our congregation alone (there were satellite churches in other states as well). By the time the church fell apart, I had quit attending due to things I saw and heard that didn’t seem right to me. I know now that God was trying to heal people’s hearts of the emotional wounds they’d received in their lives, but the devil managed to get in there and twist things around.  As someone I know pointed out, when God moves, the devil isn’t going to sit back and watch it happen.

After that church fell apart, I didn’t attend any church on a regular basis. I was too hurt and unsure where to go. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I’d been fairly well indoctrinated that that church was “THE” church to be at and their rules were “THE” rules to live by. It took me several years to realize that there was a lot of legalism there and a lot of years to get past it and truly learn more about God.

I did eventually start attending a church that was held in one of the buildings formerly owned by the last church. After a few years, I started attending a second church on alternating Sundays with my roommate. It made sense financially to attend both churches in one car, rather than me attending one church all the time necessitating the use of both cars every other week.

Eventually, I got tossed out of the second church. My roommate and I had a meeting with the pastor and an elder after which, they told my roommate that he could attend church as long as he came without me. Why? I’m a woman, my roommate is a man and we’re not married, nor are we likely to ever be married. I was surprised at this, but my roommate was not. He told me that God had told him this was going to happen. So, we left and continued to attend the other church.

Before I go on, I should mention that the pastor at the first church we attended also knew that we were living together and were not married, nor likely to ever marry. He didn’t throw me out, but he did refuse to dedicate my son before the Lord. Dedicating a child before the Lord is a public acknowledgement of responsibility for the child and a promise to raise the child up in God’s way to the best of our ability as a parent.

The first church eventually fell apart due to financial reasons. According to the pastor, it cost a lot more than people realized just to turn the lights on every week.  

So, now I’m without a church again. I’ve actually tried attending a few and I’ve been reminded that the “church” is actually the people inside, not the building itself. This doesn’t mean I’m looking for a “perfect” church. I’m not. I’m simply looking for a church where I feel that God is free to move however He wants and people truly want to grow in Him. What I’ve found is people playing “church” or worse yet, coercing people to come to church.

Allow me to explain what I mean by the numbers, so to speak.

Church #1 This one had a woman for a pastor, which bothered me, but I attended as it was literally across the street and I was having problems with my knee at the time. It was Easter Sunday and my son and one of his friends came with me. The service started out with the usual music/worship and then they proceeded to do a special Easter Service. In this case, rather than having a large group of children/young adults do one play about Easter, they had every age from pre-school to high school on stage doing something for Easter. The youngest ones were supposed to simply quote some scripture, but you could see some didn’t want to be up there. The older children did more of a stage play for their part. By the time every group had given their presentation, I was thinking, “How many times and in how many ways can you tell the story of Easter?!” I truly appreciate the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. I just don’t appreciate having it retold to the point of feeling like I was listening to and watching a broken recording. It also made me wonder what my son’s friend thought about it, although he did ask me some good questions.

Church #2 I met an old friend from my former church (the one that imploded) and went with her to services at a couple of churches she attends. The first church was nice in that I saw and talked to other people I’d known from the same church she and I’d known each other at, but the more I attended, the more saw that they were fearful of end times. I understand that fear as I used to worry about it to the point where I’d pray, “Lord, if possible not in my life time please.” Then one day I realized that in saying that I was cursing the next generation or possibly the one after that. It dawned on me that the end times as written in the book of Revelation are going to happen and if I trust God no matter what happens He will see me through them.

Church #3 I went to one service at the other church my friend attended and was again delighted to see an old friend from the former church that imploded. When the music service started up, I was startled to feel like I’d walked into a jazz bar or coffeehouse. I learned after the service that the woman leading the music service that morning had been a jazz singer and had decided to dedicate her voice and talents to the Lord. That’s a wonderful thing, but I’d been taught that in those situations a person like her should have been part of the congregation till she’d walked in that decision for a while.

Church #4 I went to this church because my son attends with my mother and I thought it would be good to know what kind of church he was attending. I actually went to a couple of services, one on Sunday morning and one on a Wednesday evening. What really bothered me most was the music service felt like miniature Hollywood. One time there was a choreographed dance before the Lord, complete with matching outfits on the dancers. I don’t have a problem with dancing before the Lord as a form of worship when it’s spontaneous and comes from the heart. The other time the music ministry group was videoed and put on a big screen, which didn’t bother me a lot, until they did a close up of the leader. He wasn’t singing a solo that I recall at that point, but was simply part of the whole group. To me, that was a way of glorifying the leader, rather than God.

Church #5 I attended because I’d read their signboard in passing several times and thought it might be interesting. What I found was a church that was teaching very basic, foundational doctrine. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was. This church has been around for several years and I kind of thought that by now there’d be more maturity. Not only that, but I hung around in the foyer/lobby area for several minutes after the service in hopes of seeing a friend that I knew attended that church. No one, NOT one person walked up to greet me.

The final two churches really stand out for me for very different reasons.

Church #6 This church is literally located up the street from me and therefore I could walk, which was nice. I stopped in on impulse one Sunday morning and got a huge surprise. The men sat one side of the church and the women and married couples on the other. Okay, I can live with that. The pastor was talking about dating that morning and I was in full agreement until he said that the problems in Jacob’s marriage were cause by Jacob’s lust, yes lust, for Rachel. That brought my thoughts to a screeching halt.

Jacob’s lust?! What lust?! Lust does not wait and work seven years to attain its goal. Lust yanks and pulls and demands instant fulfillment. Jacob not only waited and worked seven years for the privilege of marrying Rachel, he agreed to work another seven years for the privilege upon discovering that his father-in-law Laban had deceived him by sending Leah to be his bride. Laban’s deceit of Jacob was the cause of the marital problems in Jacob’s house.

At this point I decided to leave as soon as I could do so unobtrusively. During a break in the service, I got up and walked out. Only later did I realize that the men were filing out while the women puttered in their pews waiting for the men to finish leaving.

Church #7 The last and most recent church I visited, my roommate and I actually attended for three weeks. The biggest problem was something I learned after the first service. Another old friend from my original church (yeah, we’re pretty scattered; some of us live across the country now) came up to us after the service and greeted us. I was delighted to see him.

We talked for quite a while after the service and my friend told us that some of the people in the congregation were renting low income housing from the church. As a condition of renting the church housing, the people had to agree to attend at least one service a week. This truly bothered me. It bothered me so much that I finally told my friend that I thought the church was coercing people into attending service. He justified it by saying they had a choice about renting a house on church property.

I don’t agree. It can take months just to apply to get on a waiting list for low income housing. Then when you finally get on the list, there aren’t a lot of choices available.

More importantly to my way of thinking is that nowhere in the Bible do we see God doing something for someone and then demanding something in return. God says, “I stand at the door and knock…” Not, I bang on the door and demand to be let in.

Jesus spent his ministry sharing God and performing miracles. The only thing he ever asked in return was that they would not sin again. He never asked for payment or made demands. He simply did what God told him to do and let things happen as they would.

Why should we be any different?

I also heard the minister at the last church say, “God only asks us for one day a week.” In reading the Bible, the only things God says in relation to one day a week is for us to rest. He does tell us that we should not stop gathering ourselves together, but He doesn’t say how often we should be gathering. He never specifically said, “You must attend church one day a week.”

I really would like to find a church where the Spirit of God is free to move at will, but until then, I think I’ll skip going to church.

National November Write a Novel Month

It’s December, which means that National November Write a Novel Month is officially over. I did my best to write a first draft of a mystery novel, but I didn’t finish. However, I learned several things that will help me in the future.

When I first sat down to write, I thought I was totally prepared. Ha! I’d menu planned for two months so I wouldn’t have to stop mid-month to menu plan for December. I’d figured I wouldn’t get any writing done on Thanksgiving as I’d be busy preparing dinner. Turns out I didn’t get any writing done the day after, either. I was too wound up from something that happened the day before (don’t worry, no one got hurt).

I started out writing by the seat of my pants, also known as “pantsing.” While that’s fine for short stories, essays, and poems, it’s not so great for a novel. I quickly lost track of time in my story and lost my place. I was trying to figure out how to fix that when I saw a discussion in an online group in which the owner of the group wrote that an outline was essential for a novel. I hate writing outlines! I even said as much in the group, but after thinking about it, I realized he was right. Sigh! So, I took a couple of days to write an outline and quickly discovered two things. One, it really does help you figure out the story and keep track of things. Two, it helped me spot some flaws I’d written into my story. So, I guess from now on I’ll be writing outlines for any novel I attempt to write from now on.

There were days when no matter how I tried to sit and write, there would be other things that required my immediate attention. By the time I got done dealing with those situations, it was time to cook dinner. Argh!!

Even on days when nothing went wrong, I didn’t always make my word count. In part, because I was going back to cross out the parts I knew were bogging my story down. If I can just park myself in my chair to write every day, I’ll get something done. As long as my computer’s not on. Lol

In the past, I’ve used journals for my writing, as I like to write first drafts longhand. This makes it harder to “correct” or “self-edit” as I go. There’s the added bonus of the tactile feel of pen and paper, not mention watching things take shape as my hand moves across the page. This time I decided to try using legal pads. After all that’s what a lot of authors use. Now I know why. It’s so much easier to just flip the page over to continue than to write down one page, move the book, write down the next, then flip the page, move the book back over, and repeat. There’s also margins on legal pads, which makes it easy to write little notes next to things, such as, “need to look up. . .” It would also be easier to hold on my lap if I’m in a situation where I’m writing while on a bus or some other mode of transportation. So, I’ve decided to switch to legal pads for my novel writing. I’ll continue to use journals for personal journaling and blog outlines, but legal pads really are a better option for novels, etc. I’ve even considered using colored legal pads for outlines, then plain white ones for the actual writing of the story.

I also learned that having a cup of peppermint tea nearby is nice. It keeps me from having the excuse of “being thirsty,” to get up and go get something to drink. It also helps to have snacks handy. This way if I get hungry or feel like my blood sugars are getting low, I can just grab a snack without having to leave the room.

During this time I tried listening to a classical music station. The problem with that was that because I don’t normally listen to classical music, it was distracting. I found myself paying more attention to the music than my writing. So, I got my Ipod out and listened to some favorite albums I’d downloaded. Turns out the best choices where albums I was really familiar with. I’d get so involved with my story that the music would fade while keeping outside noises at bay, so that I wasn’t disturbed until my arm got too tired.

The best albums were as follows:

“If I Could Turn Back Time” by Cher

“Hell Freezes Over” Eagles

“Greatest Hits” Pam Tillis

“                     “ Shania Twain

“Taking the Long Way Home” Dixie Chicks

Each of these albums lasts about an hour or so, I think. This means less interruptions to my creative process as I write. It’s always a pleasant surprise to pull myself out of my story and discover the album is nearly over, but I barely heard it after the first song or two. Occasionally, I’d write till the album ended, then I’d have to choose another one.

I realized part way through the month that as much as I love reading mysteries, I’d rather write historical romance. The fun of a mystery is trying to figure out who did it before the big reveal. You don’t get that when you try to write one, so this will probably be the only mystery I write – maybe.

I think maybe the best thing I learned was how to better manage my time. I’ve always tried to write in the mornings, but I’ve learned that it’s easier to take care of household tasks in the morning, then sit and write in the afternoons till it’s time to cook dinner. I wish I’d realized this years ago! Would have made my life easier. Well, as the saying goes, “live and learn.”

I knew when I started that I may not finish the novel, no matter how much I tried, but I figured if I learned things that would help me in the future, then it wasn’t time wasted. What I learned will also help me be better prepared for next year’s attempt. So, while I didn’t finish the novel in one month, I will keep working on it till I am done. I will take the lessons I learned and apply them to future writing.

Writer’s Block

It’s November! Which means it’s NaNoWriNoMo – National November Write a Novel Month. I heard about this a couple of years ago while reading through some writing magazines I found in my local library. The idea is to have the first draft of a novel done by the end of the month. That means writing about 1500 words a day, which is about two pages type written. I write things out longhand, so for me that means about 10 pages a day or so. I plan to participate in NaNoWriNoMo this year for the first time, so I thought it appropriate to share some thoughts I have about writer’s block.

For most people, writer’s block is staring at a blank page with an equally blank mind. You sit down, you’ve got your computer up and running or you have pen and paper and you just go blank. It happens. My creative writing instructor in college told us about getting writer’s block while she was in college. She said her instructor told her to write a poem about it. Write a poem about having writer’s block? She thought he was nuts, but she decided to try it. It broke her writer’s block.

In fact, one of my favorite authors, J.A. Jance told a story about having writer’s block herself. It was a pretty bad spell of writer’s block, so she decided to call a college in her area to see about teaching there. When she explained that she was an author, the woman she was speaking with asked her what kind of books she wrote. She told them she wrote mysteries. The woman on the phone said, “Oh, we don’t hire your kind of author.”

End of J.A. Jance’s writer’s block.

For me, however, there are times when I have so many story ideas that sometimes I don’t know which one to work on. I’ll start one, then another idea will come along. I’ll make a note of it, but some part of me keeps thinking about the new story idea. Then I want to work on that one.

To make matters worse, every time I think I’m going to get to sit and work, something comes up. Lately, it’s been a lot of working to re-organize our house and hopefully create more space for ourselves in doing so. It’s also been that my retired roommate works during the early mornings when I’m trying to write. Even if he doesn’t knock on my door, I feel his presence. So, I get up and see what he wants.  I finally realized that the best solution was to do household stuff or miscellaneous things I need to get done in the morning, then do my writing in the afternoon. The only other solution is to go to my local coffee shop or library, but that’s not always practical. Although I do find that I get more work done when I’m at the library or coffee shop.

The last thing in my way was my extremely cluttered desks. Yes, desks, plural. I have a computer desk and an old fashioned roll top. I do my longhand writing on the roll top, which makes it easier to ignore the computer with all the internet temptations. It took me about two months to clear off both. So far, I’m keeping them cleared, which really helps.

Now if I could only decide what story to work on during “National November Write a Novel Month.”

Well, no one said the writer’s life was easy. 

My Neglected Blog

To any and all followers or anyone who has clicked on my blog in the last three months looking for something new, I apologize. I meant to post at least once a month, but I got discouraged about my writing space; namely the lack there of and pretty much quit writing.

I did try going to the library for quiet space or even a local coffee shop, but there were problems. There are a couple of libraries that are easy to reach from my house and one even has quiet rooms. The problem with the quiet rooms is that when someone opens the door to the one next to you, they usually don’t ensure that it closes quietly. I’d be sitting in a quiet room trying to write when suddenly – SLAM! Jolted out of whatever thought process I had going. So, I switched to a library closer to home and quieter. The biggest problem I found with trying to write somewhere other than home was the call of nature. If I needed to use the bathroom, I couldn’t just leave my stuff and go. I had to pack everything up to take it with me. That was a royal nuisance.

I finally realized that I really did have space at home to write, it was just cluttered. I mean I had important papers that I needed to file, catalogs from companies that I’d ordered from in the past and some I hadn’t even heard of sitting on every available space in my office. Then there were all the little scribbled notes I’d written about various things I’d heard about from other people that I wanted to look up. Adding to all this were writing magazines such as Writer’s Digest and The Writer. So, I decided that I absolutely had to clean up my space no matter how long it took. I’d tried to do so before, but never managed to finish in one day, so I’d shove everything into whatever space I could find, promise myself that I’d deal with it later, then forget about it or ignore it.  

When I started, I thought it would take me a month maximum. Ha! It took me just over six weeks, unless you count out two weeks being sick, then it took just over a month. There were days when I was so tempted to just give up, but I kept reminding myself that Rome wasn’t built in a day, this mess didn’t happen in a day, and when I was done I was going to have room to actually write. So, I sorted. I filed all the paperwork, tossed the junk, and found places for the magazines. Then I had to dust. I now have a clean uncluttered computer desk and a clean uncluttered roll top for hand writing drafts, journals, etc. All I have to do is keep it that way.

So, now that I’ve done all that work, I promise to be more faithful about blogging. I plan to blog at least once a month, if not twice. I hope you enjoy reading my blogs as much or more than I enjoy writing them. 

“Christians” and Homosexuality

As Christians or followers of Christ, we’re told in the Bible to love God above all others and love our neighbors as ourselves.* Yet the more I look around, the more I see judgment and condemnation of people. I see a lot of hatred for gays/homosexuals coming from people who call themselves “Christian.” Yes, I know that Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed because the stench of their lifestyle reached heaven.

But think about this. God told Abraham what He was planning to do and Abraham spoke with God and convinced him that if there were even ten righteous men living in Sodom and Gomorrah, God should not destroy the cities. He started with 50 good men and kept lowering the number. Unfortunately, there weren’t ten good men to be found in the cities.

This indicates to me that God didn’t really want to destroy the cities, but the people had become so entrenched in their sins, He had no choice. I once heard a pastor say that he theorized that if Lot, who lived in Sodom, had truly lived his life before the Lord as a righteous man he might have caused others to follow after God as well and it’s possible that there could have been ten righteous men in the cities. So, what does that say about those “Christians” who point their bony fingers at the LGBT community in judgment and condemnation rather than showing them the love of God?

If we as “Christians” or followers of Christ started showing God’s love to the LGBT community and accepting them where they’re at, I think some would start to change. I’m not saying all of them will. There will always be those who will refuse, but if we show them God’s love, there’s a greater chance they’ll accept Jesus into their life and allow HIM to deal with their lifestyle.

I’m not saying homosexuals will inherit the kingdom of heaven. I do know that hell is real and is reserved for people who refuse to turn away from their sins. I’m saying that it’s not our place to judge people based on what we see on the surface. Only God truly knows what’s in their hearts and how or why people are the way they are. We love to quote the scripture about “Do not judge lest you be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.” Matt 7:1-2 (NAS)

It’s easy to forget that in John 3:16 God wrote:

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

Let’s think about just how powerful a statement that is. God sent his only begotten son. Would you do that? Send your only begotten son to save a world that had largely turned its back on you? God did. Now let’s look at the next part. “…that whosoever believes…” “Whosoever” is a really inclusive word. I don’t know how many times I read or heard this verse before I realized that God didn’t make exceptions. He didn’t say, “...whosoever except …” or “only the Jews” or “only the whites.” He said, “…whosever…” That means that you and I don’t get to pick and choose who we show God’s love to. That means that we are to show God’s love to people regardless of who they are or what they’re doing. I’m not saying it’s easy, because I know it’s not. I’m saying this is what God asks of us and that we are to do our best when the opportunity arises.

Only after a person gives their heart to God and seeks guidance about how to live for God should we tackle the subject of their lifestyle. Even then, I would say do it gently and be sure they’re ready. If they’re not, there’s a danger that they will backslide or walk away. No matter what, allow God to deal with their heart and lifestyle. Some people will be willing and ready the moment they allow God into their lives, others will have to come to it as they walk with God.

One last thought, in Matt 5:43-44 You have heard it was said, “you shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you...” So even if you struggle with showing God’s love, you can pray that they will allow God into their lives and allow Him to heal their hearts. Prayer is a form of loving someone, especially if you pray they will allow God into their lives when you don’t like them.

* Matt 19:19, 22:35-40 Mark 12:30-31, 33 Luke 10:25-27 Romans 13:9 Gal. 5:14 James 2:8

Going Gluten Free

A few years ago I read “Wheat Belly” by Dr. William B. Davis. As a result, I tossed all the wheat flour I had in the house and cleaned out the freezer. I had a cake made with wheat flour in the freezer, which I took to a potluck several days later.

When I went to the potluck, I’d been gluten free for a week or so. I decided to have two tiny pieces of cake. One piece from the cake I’d taken out of my freezer, and one piece from a cake a young woman had brought. I’d put a different frosting on the one I’d brought than I usually did and wanted to try it. The other one was a homemade Tiramisu cake. Within minutes I felt like I was being sand papered internally. That’s when I knew that taking gluten out of my diet was a good decision for me.

Over time, I noticed other changes as well. Starting with the loss of eight (8) pounds. While I did gain it back, the fact that I lost it without doing anything else, told me even more that gluten was bad for me.

I think the biggest and most surprising change for me was my desire for sugar. It has become less. I still enjoy certain sugary treats, but I don’t crave sugar as much as I used to. Not only that, but some things I used to enjoy are now too sweet for me. For instance, “Kind” bars which are a nut or fruit and nut bar, sometimes with dark chocolate are something I really enjoy. My two favorites used to be, Dark Chocolate Cherry Cashew or Apricot Almond. Now, if I eat either of those flavors, all I can taste is sugar! Bleah! Thankfully they make other flavors I really like. My two current favorites are Dark Chocolate Chili Almond and Sea Salt Maple Pecan.

Last, but not least, I find that I’m more sensitive to artificial flavors. I used to absolutely love “Buttered Popcorn” flavored Jelly Belly candy. The last time I bought a small bag, all I could taste was the artificial flavor. I ate the whole bag thinking that at some point they’d taste as I remembered, but they didn’t.

I did try an organic spelt bread, thinking that maybe it was just the chemicals used to process standard wheat. It didn’t matter. I still felt sand papered internally, even though it wasn’t as strong.

Overall, I’m glad I chose to go gluten free. Despite gaining back the weight, my tolerance for sugar has gone down and real food tastes better than it did before. I also find that my hunger is more easily satisfied and I don’t get hungry as easily as I did when I ate products containing gluten.

I’m not saying this is for everyone, but it helped me.

Nagging God

 

Sometimes I feel like I nag God. “I keep telling him “we need . . .” or “we want . . .” There are even times when I feel like I’m being a whiny bitch. Or times when I say, “Not that I’m ungrateful for what I have, I am grateful, but . . .”

Then as I was reading my Bible one night, I came across a story in the book of Luke. In Luke 18:1-7 a widow goes before a judge seeking legal protection against her opponent. At first the judge refuses, but she keeps going to him to ask for justice. Finally he says to himself, “If I don’t give her legal protection, she won’t leave me alone.”

The Bible goes on to say how serious are we about our prayers to God? Are we asking daily or are we asking once or twice and then leaving it alone? God wants to know we’re serious. That doesn’t mean He’ll grant every request, but if you keep asking you will receive an answer. He may say, “Yes” or “No” or “Not right now.” He may even say, “The answer is on the way.”

There’s another example of perseverance in prayer in the book of Daniel. In Daniel 10, we read that Daniel had been mourning and fasting for three (3) weeks while waiting for a response from God. When he finally got an answer, he learned that God had dispatched the messenger the moment Daniel set his heart on understanding and on humbling himself before the Lord. But the prince of the kingdom of Persia had withstood him until Michael came to help him.

Now the messenger didn’t tell him that he’d been nagging God. In fact, he said that Daniel was a “man of high esteem.” Daniel 10:11 (NAS)

After reading what God said about persevering in prayer, I was much encouraged. You see, my roommate and I have been praying for something for a few years now. I admit, I haven’t always prayed about it daily.  After all, I didn’t want to be a nag. After reading the passages in Daniel and Luke though, I got more serious about that request and others.

I know now that if I want God to take my requests seriously, then I need to seriously be on my knees praying. I need to be like the widow who refused to allow the judge to give her justice.

One last thought, when we pray for something, we need to be prepared to accept His answer. I once prayed about something I truly needed. I finally realized that I needed to pray for the situation in a specific way. When I did, the answer I received made me wonder if God had lost His marbles and the universe wasn’t aware of it. When I finally learned to trust that God knew what He was saying when He gave me the answer I needed, my life improved in ways that I can’t write here. 

Transgender Restroom Usage

 

I’ve been seeing a lot of posts on Facebook about transgender people wanting to use the restroom for the gender they believe they are, rather than the one they are born as.

Just allow me to say that I have nothing against transgender people. Everyone I’ve ever met has been kind and considerate.

Having said that, I do have problems with sharing the bathroom with them. My problem isn’t so much transgender people as it is the abusers who would take advantage of such a situation by pretending to be transgender to gain access to potential victims.

I say this from two perspectives:

1)    As an adult survivor of childhood sexual, physical, & emotional abuse

2)  As a parent

Being a survivor of abuse, I understand the emotional damage just one incident can cause.

As a parent, I find it frightening that an abuser would use a situation like this to target a child. When my son was younger and needed the restroom in public, I’d stand nearby ready to rush in if needed. At times I felt like I was “stalking” the men’s room even though I knew I was just being a good parent. Thankfully, nothing ever happened. However, I shudder to think what could happen to innocent children when transgenders are allowed to use the restroom of their emotional gender rather than their birth gender. I don’t blame them for wanting to be safe, but I do blame the bullies and perverts for making this whole discussion necessary.

In locker rooms there’s also the issue of making someone uncomfortable. I know I would not feel comfortable changing clothes in front of a man or taking a shower after working out, etc.

It seems to me that the best and simplest way to solve this is to make single stall gender neutral bathrooms and changing rooms available in addition to the regular men’s and women’s versions. This way transgenders have a safe space to do what they need without infringing on someone else’s rights and abusers have no reason to enter the restroom of “their” choice.

A Non - Biblical Look at Gay Marriage and Abortion

Several days ago as I was scrolling through my Facebook feed, I saw a meme on a friend’s timeline about people being against stem cell research, gay marriage, and abortion. The idea was that no one could come up with non-biblical objections. I looked at it and thought, I don’t know anything about stem cell research, but I could come up with non-biblical objections to gay marriage and abortion. Then I moved on. Partly because I wasn’t sure I was ready to tackle that and partly because I wanted to see what else was going on in my friends’ lives. I couldn’t get it out of my mind though. So I went back to my friend’s timeline to look for it. After scrolling through the prior six days posts and not finding it, I decided I’d have to answer it here.

I’ll start with gay marriage. When you look at the way men and women are made, it’s pretty obvious (to me, anyway) that their bodies are meant to fit together. A man has a penis which fits nicely into a woman’s vagina. However, if two men come together, there is no natural place for them to insert their penis. They have to use the anus, which was not meant for that. Not only that, but to use the anus you must use some kind of lubricant as the body will not produce its own for that purpose.

If two women come together, they have their vaginas, but no penis to insert into either. For them to have any kind of sex life, they must use their hands, mouths, or toys designed for that purpose.

The physical builds of the two genders alone tell me that two people of the same sex should not marry.

There is one more reason though – children. If a gay couple want children, they must seek outside help. They must either adopt, hire a surrogate mother or in the case of two women, one or both could use a sperm donor’s sperm to get pregnant. There is no way for two people of the same gender to get one another pregnant.

This brings me to the subject of abortion. I’ve heard for a long time that it’s a woman’s body, therefore it should be her choice. I’ve never understood that. Especially since as I mentioned above, it takes two people, a man and a woman to get a woman pregnant. So, the baby is comprised of DNA from two people, not just one. Not only that, the baby only occupies a woman’s body for approximately 9 months. It’s not like a cancer that will eventually kill you. It’s another human being comprised of DNA from two people, not just one.

I did ask someone once, how it was “a woman’s body when it takes a man to get her pregnant.” She refused to answer at first because I’m clearly a Christian. I told her that I hadn’t mentioned the Bible: I’d simply asked a question. She told me it was too complicated to explain.

I know, you’re probably asking, “what if the couple used birth control and still got pregnant?” Well, we all know that birth control is not 100% guaranteed, unless a man has a vasectomy or a woman has a hysterectomy. A woman getting her tubes, “cut, tied, and fried” as one friend of mine used to say, isn’t an absolute guarantee. I’ve heard that in rare cases, the body heals the tubes or grows new ones. As for the pill, I’ve personally known two women who got pregnant while on it. Condoms, sponges, contraceptive jelly, and diaphragms can all fail. If you have sex, even with birth control, there’s always a risk of getting pregnant. It only takes one sperm getting through.

I also think that abortion for the sake of convenience to the woman, is ultimately selfish. You may not want the baby, but there are hundreds, if not thousands of couples who can’t have children on their own and would love to have an infant. They would gladly adopt the unwanted babies that so many people abort.

There are however, two reasons for which I do understand getting an abortion. The first would be medical. If the mother’s life is in danger because of the pregnancy or if the baby won’t survive.

If the baby isn’t going to live, then I don’t think a woman should be forced to carry it till it dies.

Here’s a link to a story about a woman whose child wasn’t going to survive: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/04/07/the-hardest-abortion-i-ve-ever-had-to-perform.html

I also read a story recently in which a woman was forced to carry her baby till it died, because she was more than 14 weeks pregnant. If a doctor can tell a woman with certainty that her baby isn’t going to survive outside the womb, then I think the decision about what to do, should be up to her.

The other situation in which I can understand having an abortion is rape. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but it happens and in some cases a woman gets pregnant as a result. In that case, I can certainly understand and accept it if a woman wants an abortion. I would hope, however, that she would carry the baby to term and if she doesn’t want it, give it up for adoption. It would be a way to have something wonderful come from something awful.

So, for those of you seeking non-biblical answers to these questions, those are my answers.

Blamed for Speaking Up

I’ve known for a long time that victims of abuse or bullying are often not believed. I was a victim of both myself. When my mother learned that her second husband had sexually abused me and one of my brothers, not only did she believe us, she reassured us that it wasn’t our fault. For that, I will be forever grateful.

However, there were times in my life when I was the victim of bullying, but no one believed me when it was reported. The first incident was pretty minor. I was in the third grade. We’d gone outside for recess and at the end of it had lined up to wait for our teacher to lead us back to the classroom. As we were waiting, I saw a nice rock and picked it up. Another girl in my class, Nancy, saw the rock in my hand. She told me that we weren’t supposed to throw rocks. I told her that I wasn’t going to throw it; that I wanted to keep it. She then slapped my hand forcing me to drop the rock.  When we got back to class, both of us got a sheet of scrap paper and wrote down what happened for the teacher. She read both stories and then sent me to the principal’s office.  When I got there, I didn’t bother to defend myself. If my teacher didn’t believe me, why would I think he might?

The second incident happened when I was in the sixth grade. I was walking along a path in the schoolyard after school. It was later than usual, so it was just me. As I was walking down the path, I heard a noise and looked up. A couple of boys were up above me on the path. I didn’t think anything of it at first, until they started throwing rocks at me. I turned and ran. Unfortunately, one of the rocks hit me in the temple cutting me. I then turned and ran to the school office to get help. The secretary took care of me and then called my mother. At the time, I didn’t know either boy’s name, so was unable to tell her who had thrown the rocks. A few days later I was in the office for another reason when I saw a picture of one of the boys on the school secretary’s desk. I said, “Miss Letty, that’s one of the boys who chased me and threw rocks at me!”

She said, “Who Keith? He’s a nice boy. He wouldn’t do that.” I was so surprised and disappointed.

The worst one though was when a neighborhood boy threatened to beat me with a baseball bat if I talked to his mother about something else he'd done earlier in the day. When I finally did get to talk to her, she told me that "Boys would be boys." 

In other words, she didn't take his threat to me seriously. That really bothered me, but I couldn't do anything more. Years later that "boy" would be in and out of jail several times.

My point with all this is that when victims aren’t believed or taken seriously, the damage is multiplied. They’re taught that there’s no reason to speak as no one will believe them anyway. This also leaves the victim feeling like s/he must have done something wrong to bring this on. That somehow it’s the victim’s fault. This just makes it easier for someone else to victimize or hurt that person.

These incidents are minor compared to what a lot of women go through. It never ceases to amaze me the things men are allowed to get away with because they’re men and they "can’t control themselves." I call Bullshit on that idea. Men can be taught to respect women. Men can be taught that women are worthy of respect. That women are not simply sexual objects put here on earth to satisfy their every whim.

The worst part is and always has been to me, the fact that men can run around shirtless and no one says a thing. If a woman, on the other hand, so much as exposes a bit of cleavage, or nurses a baby in public, she’s considered a slut or an exhibitionist. If women wear clothing that could be considered the least bit provocative, she’s giving “permission” for any man to fondle her if he gets close enough. We as a society blame women for the way men behave. We don’t seem to realize that men have a responsibility to control their actions. That they don’t have the right to fondle any woman, regardless of how she’s dressed. 

In closing, I have included links to other blogs about victim blaming. One is simply a history of that woman’s encounters with violence and how it affected her. The other is about a young woman who was literally put into foster care for rebelling against her mother’s religion, after being called a liar for speaking up when an elder in that religion abused her. You may need to copy and paste the links into your browser.

http://bellejar.ca/2015/12/03/being-a-girl-a-brief-personal-history-of-violence/

https://www.yahoo.com/news/happened-mom-dumped-foster-care-160000998.html

Losing Your Passion

I’ve been a writer off and on since childhood. I remember writing a story when I was about 10 years old. I read it to my mother hoping for some encouragement. My timing was pretty poor as she was absorbed in some task of her own, so she didn’t pay much attention. What really started me writing though, was a notice in the local paper about a poetry contest they were holding. I immediately sat down and wrote a couple of poems in a steno pad. I never entered them and after reading the winning entry about a string of pearls, I was glad I hadn’t. I kept writing poetry, then someone gave me a tiny journal, with a lock on it. I wrote in that for a long time.  I remember writing about the young man I was dating. Eventually I read the entries in that journal then burned the whole thing in the fireplace. I didn’t want to be reminded about the cretin I’d dated.

Over the years I’ve come to realize that I write because I must. I’ve written poetry to express feelings that I often felt like I didn’t have any other outlet for. I’ve kept a journal off and on as a way to process and download whatever was bothering me. These days I still keep a journal, I’m trying to keep on top of this blog, and I’m working on several stories.

Several years ago, I realized that for me, writing is a passion. There are a lot of things I love to do, such as baking or blowing glass, but writing is a must do. If I don’t, I don’t sleep well then I get cranky.

Recently though, I felt myself losing my passion for writing. At first I thought it was just lack of space. My desk is always cluttered despite the fact that I do try to clear it off. Then I realized it was more than that.

It was also my roommate’s retirement. I had put a sign on my door that read, “Please Do Not Disturb.” He took it as a polite request. I tried, “Don’t Even Think of Disturbing Me.” That didn’t work either. Neither did a sign I found on Facebook that read, “WARNING! WRITER AT WORK! By Penalty Of Death Of Your Favorite Character Do Not Enter Except In Case Of Real Emergency. Things That Constitute A Real Emergency:

The House Is On Fire

The Zombie Apocalypse Has Begun

Lunch Is Ready”

My son took one look and said that I didn’t make lunch for anyone. I said that it was in case he made me lunch. That didn’t work either. Finally I made my own sign for the door that reads:

“IF THE DOOR IS CLOSED, DO NOT DISTURB IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM!! (DON’T SPEAK, TAP, KNOCK, OR IN ANY WAY DISTURB THE WRITER AT WORK). If the door is cracked open, then it’s okay to disturb me.”

This sign works for the most part. Only twice has it been violated. The first time my roommate found some cherry brandy in the cupboard that I bought for baking a long time ago. He tried it and a minute later was knocking on my door to tell me that it him hard. When he was done I made it clear that there were to be no more interruptions.

The second time it happened he couldn’t find some leftovers he wanted in the fridge. I pulled open the door like I wanted to yank it off the hinges. I gave him that look and showed him the leftovers while he apologized.

The other problem has been that with his retirement, I’m aware of his presence, even with the door closed. For a while I insisted that he get out of the house; daily if possible. Then I realized that wasn’t fair to him. I started looking at ways for me to go somewhere else to work for a couple of days a week. I looked at one place for writers. The problem was that it didn’t open till noon and riding the bus took at least an hour to get there. By the time I could get there, I’d be lucky to have three hours in which to work, before I had to come home. That’s when I realized that my local library had study rooms and a quiet area. Not only that, but it’s open by 10:00 a.m. and only half an hour by bus. So, that solved that problem.

That still didn’t solve my seeming lack of desire to write. That’s when I finally realized that I’m being inundated with information on how to make money as a freelance writer. I kept looking at the information and thinking, “I should try that. I could really use the money.” I finally realized that writing purely for money wasn’t for me.

Now that I’ve realized what’s really been bothering me, I’m ready to work on my stories again. 

Blue Collar Jobs

I’m at the library today as it gets me out of the house and gets me some truly undisturbed space in which to work. As I was walking here from the bus, I saw a “We’re Hiring” sign on a nearby construction project. The plumbing company working on the project wants an experienced plumbing apprentice. My first thought was how do you get experience if no one will give you a job?

Then I realized there was a bigger question. How many people want that type of work anymore? It’s honest work and from what I’ve heard, once you get through an apprenticeship, you can make good money. As good as or possibly better than some people who’ve gone to college to work in “white collar jobs.”

In the last several years, I’ve seen a big push for people to go to college or some kind of extra schooling above and beyond K – 12. The idea is that if you go to college or a training school of some sort, you will come out able to get a good job that earns more money than you could without the extra training. What they don’t tell you in the advertising is that no one can guarantee that you will get a job in your field of choice. Not only that, but in some cases you come out of school in debt. The lenders are only too happy to lend you money with the promise that you don’t have to start paying it back till six months after graduation. By then, you could be several thousand, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, depending on the degree you chose.

There are ways to avoid the debt. Grants and/or scholarships can help. Also, going to school part-time as you can afford to pay for classes.

But what about those for whom college is not an option? I’m not talking financially, but I’ve known people for whom college was not a good fit. One worked at a fast food restaurant, one worked security, and a couple of others I knew worked in warehouses. I know, some people think fast food is for high schoolers only. Well, guess what. For fast food to be open in the mornings for breakfast and lunch, adults must work those shifts as all the high schoolers are in school! Yet, we as a people look down on those jobs as being less than worthy of our attention and labor. Those kinds of jobs are good, honest work and the people who do them are worthy of their wages. In fact, they should be able to make a living wage at those jobs without going into management.

The same applies to plumbers, electricians, mechanics, etc. Any job that can be taught on the job, is worth doing. Without the people doing those jobs, a lot of the things we depend on would completely fall apart. Think about it. If a pipe bursts in your house, can you fix it yourself or do you need to call a plumber? What about your electrical wiring? If your breaker box blows, what are you going to do? Can you do more than check the oil and water or pump gas into your car? If not, how do you take care of those things? I know it’s easy to look down on people who do manual labor and to look down on those kinds of jobs.

I’ve also learned from our electrician that with all the training and classes he’s taken to stay on top of the new stuff in his field, he figures he’s earned at least a master’s degree in his field. From all the certificates I've seen on the wall at the auto mechanic's  shop, I'd say they've earned at least an Associates degree if not a Bachelors for their job as well. These people are constantly taking classes in an effort to keep up with the changes in technology. I suspect that’s true for anyone in the plumbing field too. Think about that the next time you want to complain about how much it costs to have someone perform a labor intensive, “no college degree” job.

Also think about this. This country was founded by people who had to labor with their hands and the help of their neighbors to build houses, barns, corrals, etc. Small business sprang up to provide goods and services people couldn’t provide for themselves. Very few people had a college degree. Some were lucky if they had any schooling at all. While I’m not discounting the value of a good basic education, I think we need to quit devaluing work that doesn’t require a college degree or requires someone to get their hands dirty. I also think we need to quit pushing higher education as if it were the answer to everyone’s job problems.