Another nice thing is that I
discovered that I like to cook. I’ve always liked to bake cookies and cakes,
but never really liked to cook on the stove top in order to prepare a meal.
Since being here, I’ve learned that cooking for someone you love and who gives
you freedom to experiment can be a lot of fun. David has been a very willing
“guinea pig” for some of my cooking experiments. When things didn’t turn out
well, he never made me feel like I’d wasted anything for trying something new.
In fact, he was always gentle about it when I made something that didn’t turn
out as well as I’d hoped.
I eat healthier since coming here. I
used to buy a lot of frozen entrees and since moving in, I haven’t eaten one of
those things. I don’t miss them either. Also, I find that for the most part I’m
less likely to eat everything in sight. Not that it hasn’t happened that way a
few times. When it did, David gently brought it to my attention and made
suggestions on how to cope, such as drinking lots of water. Although that
doesn’t always work. Some days I just have to satisfy the craving or go nuts.
David didn’t fully understand that at first, but he does now. In fact, at times
it amuses him to watch me do so because he knows it means I’m being me.
Another thing is that I don’t crave
milk the way I used to. At one time I could go through a gallon and a half of
milk in a week, by myself. Now, if David and I go through half a gallon in a
week, that’s a lot. This has made me realize just how much my milk cravings
were intertwined with my emotional issues.
Some of the
changes that have happened have been in relation to my physical health. My
headaches have generally decreased in frequency and severity. Not only that,
but my skin seems to have cleared up finally. I used to get really nasty breakouts.
Now I almost never get pimples.
I’ve also realized
that there are some people I’ve hurt and need to apologize to. At the time I
hurt them, I either didn’t realize that what I was saying was so hurtful or
didn’t want to admit to anyone, not even myself that what I’d done was wrong. I’d
love to apologize to an ex-boyfriend for the way I treated him, unfortunately I
have no idea where he is these days. I’ve tried looking him up on Facebook, but
his name is common enough that’s it virtually impossible. I did however, write
a note to my brother Mike, apologizing for something I said to him when we were
children.
We were having an argument on the
front porch one day. I got really angry with him and decided to say something
mean and hurtful. I told him he was a bastard because our parents had separated
and divorced before his birth. I had no idea at the time that the reality was
that he was the result of a one-night stand our mother had while traveling from
Idaho to Nevada to meet my father who was living there. Mother told me her
divorce didn’t make him a bastard when she found out what I’d said.
Some changes I didn’t know what to
make of at first. I started having a sense of “excited anticipation” every time
I thought about Dorn. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. While I
believe he will come back into my life at some point, I don’t know when. So
when this feeling kept happening, I was puzzled. I finally talked to David
about it one day. He told me that when a woman truly loves a man, he’s like the
4th of July to her. Not only that, but in my case these feelings
were truly coming to life in me for the first time, like a new flower coming up
in the garden. This is a bit scary, as when Dorn does come back in my life, I
will have to sit on these feelings until I know what will happen between us.
That won’t be easy.
Another non-physical change has been
in regards to a couple of besetting sins in my life. Because of the sexual
abuse I went through, I was very promiscuous in my teen years. In addition to
that I fought with masturbation for years. I prayed about these issues and
asked God for help to keep from engaging in these activities, yet I repeatedly
did anyway. It wasn’t until God used David to heal my heart that these problems
came to an end. It’s been amazing to realize that these sins were tied up in my
emotional issues and real deliverance from those sins happened as my heart was
healed.
Some things about me haven’t changed.
I still love a good rich cup of cocoa. Ice cream is still a favorite treat,
although I now have to buy non-dairy ice cream, as is eating raw cookie dough,
especially chocolate chip dough. I still admire Harley-Davidson motorcycles
when I see one.
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