I Was An Emotional Prostitute Part 58

One of the nicest things about this situation, is I’m not the only one who’s learned from this situation. When God puts two people together, the way He has with David and I, it’s so both people can learn and grow. I know for a fact that David has learned from me. He’s learned what it means to have an openly affectionate woman in the house that likes to hug and kiss just because I love him. David has also learned to cuddle. Sometimes when we’re sitting on the couch together, he’ll put his arm out and pull me close. I never saw him do such things with his ex-wife, Jan. And as I said before, Jan was something of an iceberg in bed, so he’s learned from me how to cuddle in bed without being any more intimate than that. David had never been with anyone who liked to just cuddle in bed. So, at first, I would quietly slip in and lay there until he realized I was there and put his arm out, so I could lie on his chest. As I kept slipping into his bed early in the morning to cuddle, he came to sense my presence and was ready to cuddle immediately. It’s wonderful to be able to cuddle with someone who has no sexual expectations.

Another thing David learned from me is the need to communicate. Apparently when he was married to Jan, he never told her anything until the last minute. He learned early on, that I don’t appreciate that. I need to be told well ahead of time if he’s not going to be home for dinner. Telling me just before he walks out the door is unacceptable. Now, he lets me know ahead of time, if he’s made any plans that affect me and any dinner plans I might be making. He’s also learned to call me if he’s gone out somewhere at night and will be home later than planned. This doesn’t mean he’s perfect at it, however, if he goofs, he apologizes without me making a fuss.

I also know he’s learned more about what it means to have a supportive wife. Although we are not married, we have to a large extent functioned as a married couple should and bonded together as if we’re a family. We’ve worked together as a team to do various things around the house, such as putting a second hand swing set together for Caleb and talking over what to do with the interior of the house, which has been in a state of perpetual remodel. We’ve even been a team in matters of money, in so far as this is possible.

This also means that David has not given up on a project he’s been trying to do for at least 20 years, ever since he felt God laid it on his heart. There have been times when the lack of any real help and support in his endeavors have caused him to want to give up. He’s gotten tired and discouraged. Every time he’s come to me to tell me this, I’ve let him know I understood. I also let him that if I could be of more help to him, I would. I’ve learned about what a real marriage can and should be like in everyday life.

David has also learned what it’s like to have a somewhat ornery woman around. I have at times picked on him just because I care about him and that’s one way in which I show it. Sometimes he’ll ask me to do something and although I know I’ll do it, I may say something like, “maybe.” My favorite joke on him though got turned against me.

Occasionally I’ll go lay in his bed when I know he’s coming to bed soon just to see what he’ll do. Most of the time he’ll just crawl in beside me. This time however, I varied things. I lay across his bed diagonally under the covers. He knew something was up when he asked me if the door was locked and I didn’t answer him. So, he came into the room and acted like he was going to finish getting ready for bed. He came around to his side of the bed and instead of sitting to take his shoes off; he threw himself on the bed and almost on top of me. We started laughing and talking about it. Then he did get up and finish getting ready for bed as I continued to lie there. When he climbed in, there was no real room for him. He tried pushing me away, but that didn’t work. After a few more minutes of him trying to figure out how to move me, I got up and went to my bed. I’ll admit I didn’t want to move. After all, I was all nice and cozy right where I was and it was cold outside.

As I write this, the work in me isn’t done; it’s simply well on its way. My time here with David will be coming to an end, although I don’t know exactly when.

For me, David is a stepping-stone in the course of my healing. There is going to come a day when someone else will take over, probably my next husband. Although I’ve experienced physical and emotional intimacy with David, I know that I haven’t experienced the fullness of emotional intimacy with him, as I can’t. He and I both realize that I will not be completely open until I can experience such intimacy and that has to wait until I marry again. In the meantime, the emotional intimacy I have experienced with David has been as satisfying as it can be under the circumstances.

There’s more to my life story than I’ve shared in this blog. I’ve been writing a book that contains the whole story (I think) which, I hope to have published someday. My original purpose in sharing this much was to offer hope. Hope for those who need emotional healing from the wounds of the past. It was also in the hope of encouraging others to seek God’s emotional healing for themselves. Therefore, I believe this is a good place to end the story.